Directionally Challenged

We usually use the term “directionally challenged” in regards to someone who has a hard time distinguishing left from right, or who cannot get from Point A to Point B if their life was at stake. I don’t have a hard time with left and right (any more), and for the most part I can get to my destination; but lately I’ve felt challenged as to which direction the Lord wants me. A lot of my prayers have gone something like this lately (and perhaps you might recognize some):

– “So, is this where You want me?”
– “Uh, is this where You want me?”
– “Here, Lord?”
– “Am I okay right here?”
– “Oh, wait…we’re going here now?”
– “Is this good?”
– “Um, left or right?”
– “Wait, I thought You said ‘left’…did You mean ‘right’?!”
– “NO. I’m not going there.”
– “Okay, okay, okay, I’m going…I don’t feel like getting swallowed by a fish.”
– “Sooooo…now what?”
– “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

For some reason it’s funnier when I type it out–rather irritating when I’m actually having these divine discussions, though. Lots of hand-wringing and face-contorting. I keep coming back to the verse “take heart and wait”, but I’m learning it doesn’t necessarily mean that we just wait whilst sitting on our hands and doing nothing. We are still responsible for existing, and we still have our tasks to be accomplished each day.

As I was thinking about this earlier, it occurred to me that one of the things I get frustrated with is when someone asks me the question of “what are your plans?” Oh the torturous question. It comes in many forms. “So, are you going to college?” “What college are you going to?” “What do you plan to major in?” “Are you graduated?” “What do you want to do with your life?”

It makes me want to invert my intestines. And then scream.

But it really just comes down to pride, because honestly, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life. Okay, I take that back. I do know what I’m supposed to do, and that’s to love my God with all my heart, soul and mind. I am called to serve Him wholeheartedly, in whatever capacity and whichever location. That said, I guess it doesn’t really matter “what” I’m doing, as long as it is glorifying to the Lord. The pride part kicks in when I can’t tell people I’m going to XXXXX college to become an XXXXX career-person. To them, “existing for God” does not sound socially successful. Oh, stupid social-ness! It really shouldn’t matter what they think, because when all is finished I am going to be standing before the Author of Life HIMSELF and He’s going to tell me what He thinks of how I lived my life. I’m not going to be standing before my friends, my co-workers, the random public, or even my parents. I suppose, in essence, the only direction we should be heading is up. As long as we are fixing our eyes ahead, we are going the right direction.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Hebrews 12:1-3

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